FAIL MEANS FOREVER

True love is a thing only real in the movies. It doesn’t happen that way ever… when it does it fades quickly.

The flame that burns twice as bright, only burns half as long.

So true. The longer you invest in something the more you yeild. I love fiercely… and to my detriment. It hits hard and fast and then fades just as swiftly, and is always on one side. Never both. The heart break is crushing for one of the two.

And here I find myself driving away again. And with each passing mile I feel the separation becoming greater and greater. And the feelings fade away. She is somebody I will always love. But it won’t always be the same. And if I was being truthful, I would love if she were the one. I watch the romantic feelings dessicate and note a lack of appropriate remorse. Truth is neither of us will be crushed. A little bit of honesty never hurt anybody. But it does make me sad to realize this.

Authors Edit:

I removed two pictures that were seen by the person that I wrote about in the above paragraphs. I didn’t think she would read it as she wasn’t a follower or subscriber of my blog. I am sorry she saw it that way. And if you ever come back to revisit this post, I truly am grieving that portion of the relationship… I miss looking forward to what could have been… and in truth, it never waned, I had to shut it off to save me.

-Dan Dan

I’ve given up on any idea of forever. And it’s kind of sad because I’m quite a romantic. I have attempted love… over and fucking over. It fails. I guess the fail is the forever. I have hurt some amazing and wonderful women, that quite possibly could have been my forever, all due to the fact that I did not realize I hadn’t yet gotten over my exwife.

So again I am back to the idea of finding true happiness and true love within. I am “seeing” myself now. I am Gemini after all. I’m serious, he’s not (asshole!). We are quite happy together in all honesty. He is coming around.

Self-reliance for me is being happy with who I am. It’s being happy when I’m alone. When you stop being reliant on other people for your own happiness you can actually start being happy, and share that with other people again. That starts with coming to terms with your flaws, your demons, and beginning to walk through your struggles.

And that is a daily thing. A true forever struggle. That is where you may find your forever.

https://youtu.be/FicaTt-zUZ

No One, Quite Like You

So here I am, sitting and waiting to board a plane. Glistening with a fresh coat of “OMG, will I make my gate!?” sheen. In need of a shower and change of clothes…. 10 minutes past boarding time, the plane is just starting to “de-plane” as they call it in the trade. Immediately my thoughts run to writing a VERY STERNLY WORDED LETTER to their headquarters.

Dear unnamed airline,

Listen, you hear!! I have your android app, why was I not notified that the plane was delayed 10 more minutes….. !?!

Then when I stop to think about it, I realize I would only use that to my advantage, to handle more issues, stop and get that drink, those shoes, that hat….what ever my selfish mind tells me “If only I had just a few more minutes to…..” as nauseum.

I can be a selfish prick.
I steal time
I steal moments
Thoughts….
Inspiration…

There is very little originality in this world, with exceptions in the areas of new tech…. and even that has been rumored to have been given to us from some superior race outside of our galaxy. Whatever.
No thought, no assembly of word, can truly bear the stamp of originality.

But yet we hear it all around us all the time.

I don’t want to be like everybody else…. I want to be, “Original”.

I am not status quo… I am “One of a kind”.

Oh no, you won’t find anybody that dresses like me, I create my own styles, my own flare… I am “Unique”.

Oh the hell you are. That shirt you’re wearing? The manufacturer made hundreds and thousands more, just like it. That hat you have on? Quite possibly hundreds if not hundreds of thousands. And those shoes, mass-produced, dummy! So there is really nothing unique about the way you dress yourself. Sure maybe there’s certain accoutrement, maybe that bracelet that your friend made you. I will guarantee you that someone else has had that same ensemble thrown together at one point or another. Sure there might be subtle differences that aren’t immediately noticeable to the eye.

Oh. Wait. The small, subtle variances.

Everybody has this incessant need to feel different. Are we really all so different? It makes me quite literally, sick to my stomach.

That problem you’re going through? Hundreds of thousands, if not millions of people, have experienced it, and lived through it.

For those of you who really need to feel unique, worry not. We are all our:

1. DNA

2. EYES

3. FINGERPRINTS

4. SOULS

5. MIXTURE

of

life’s

experiences……….

You’ve heard the saying, “walk a mile in a man’s shoes”? That is what truly sets us apart.

From the moment we are conceived, our individual journey’s and experiences creates who we are. The type of food we take from our mother’s bodies, the sets of emotions we experience through them, the things we hear within the womb. I imagine even phases of the moon when we were conceived.. the season we are born into, even what was happening in the media during our development in the womb. The possibilities are endless.

Were we full term or premature? What was our birthing like? What were the sounds inside the birthing room? What were the first sounds we heard upon delivery? Was everything normal and calm? Was there high stress?

Bottle or breast fed? Stress in the home? Siblings? City or country? Pets? Colors in the home. Lead paint on our cribs. How many head injuries we sustained during our formative years. Our friendships…

There are literally so many variables that have even the smallest impact upon each and every one of us. Imagine the idea of the butterfly effect and the impact it has on each individual’s life. Especially the early on experiences.

Relax there Cupcake, you are an individual.

Hey Daddy Warbucks! As you’re walking by that homeless person, judging him, thinking even though you had a tough life, you pulled through… did you have the exact same experiences, to the finest detail, as the homeless man you’re judging had? How then can you judge?

Christian woman? All Pius and holier-than-thou, snubbing others outside of your income class and church group. Looking down on that woman you refer to as whore, slut, or hooker. That woman you judge is single with three kids. First one was a result of rape. You see her going from man to man. She is not whoring around. She is only trying to fill the void, left by her father who abandoned her at 6 years old, only seeking to be truly loved and cared for. Yeah she may have a bit of a foul mouth, but you will always get honesty from her. She is accepting of all the kids in her neighborhood. And she will go out of her way to help another person. What about that log in your own eye? Ironically, she never had a good example of love to learn from as she grew up. Yet she is more capable of showing love than you.

We are all individual, and unique. None of us are cut from the same cloth so to speak. Everyone has strengths in some areas that others do not. Likewise weaknesses. No one is the same. So the subtle differences give us our individuality. I don’t know what yours were… so I can’t judge.

Still, unintentionally, subconsciously, regrettably, and shamefully, I do. One day, I will shed this skin of imperfection, this flawed tapestry. I will be able to walk amongst my fellow human beings, seeing them not for their flaws, but the beauty of their individuality.

No thought original.

No trial unique.

No not one.

But each person is different. Whether its is the canvas, the paint, the strokes of the brush, the subtle difference in hues, or crazy belts of vivid colors from all across this wildly diverse, broad spectrum…

None two alike. And don’t even get me started on genetics.

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