SO, EVRYTHING TAKES CARE OF ITSELF… (shit!)

Problem number one is solved. 100% single, and I needed that. I made promises that I don’t mind keeping, but would made my life more difficult, and let’s face it… I have a broken picker. Not pecker! Picker!

The thing is, you can’t keep the truth down. It always makes itself known. And I am now a lover of the truth. And apparently an obstacle or hurdle, whatever!

Truth is, it hurts a little. But it’s not the debilitating hurt. Rejection sucks. But I am worthy of far better. I know this. Sure she was young and sexy, but for gawds sakes, have a little moral code. So many things I could say about this, about her… But truth is I may as well be saying this in a mirror. I’ve been guilty of the same.

Now to put my focus where it belongs, on my broke ass. I got a lot of repairing to do on my life, and believe me, it will be better than before.

I have a lot going for me in the next few months. By doing the next right thing each day, shits going to fall into place. In that, I have absolute faith. However my knowledge of what is the next right thing… well there is some inner debate, a dialogue if you will, as to what exactly the next right thing is.

Part of me, the very sick part, will tell me a good woman will help me to get shit straight, fill that void and straighten the arrow on my broken moral compass (Yeah right, you want more than your arrow straightened, asshole!!).

NO!!!! Dont listen to that dick!!

The other part, it tells me to glue myself into fellowship, working the the steps, and rediscovering myself. Rediscovering the things I used to love to do. Off-roading, fishing, camping, and reading. Things that are important: friends and family, writing and the like.

And sex… what about sex? I love it! Guess that will have to wait.. FML!!

Yeah… MOUNTIAN CLIMBING WILL FIX ME.

I’m not perfect folks. Just getting better. Sheesh! My name is Earl, I mean Dan, this is my story.

HEY, I AM SOBER…DOESN’T THAT MATTER?!

Sobering reality one.

People really don’t care what you’re doing now. What people know about you what you’ve done in the past. The only things that I can do is continue to try to change me. For that, I need Gods help. I ask him every day. Sometimes moment to moment.

I can promise people that I’m going to change. They need to see the change. You could promise them till your blue in the face. All they have to go on is history. I’ve hurt people. I’ve been selfish. I have reacted irrationally over real emotion. I have dropped out. I have not shown up. Have not answered calls, I’ve not replied to texts. I have straight up lied.

I have lost people… that’s a hard one to swallow.

Doesn’t matter what I say now. It’s important that my actions match my words. Telling people I’m going to get better… I would liken their response to what I told my high school girlfriend, “Sure, I’m willing to wait for sex, but you’re going to have to stop rubbing the outside of my jeans until we get there.” I’m sure you get my point.

I’m not coming out of this is a spiritual Guru. Hell I’m a straight-up shitshow to this day. What matters is making an effort every day to change. Consistency is key. Suit up. Show up. Participate. Be real.

Also, I need to remember, I am doing this for me. I am deserving of this.

My name is Dan, not Mark, not Greg, Dan is a drunk, pardon, addict/alcoholic. Not every day is perfect. Not every day is easy. But each day is a opportunity for growth. I am grateful to be on the top side of terra firma. Welcome to my journey.

Here I Go Again….

Y’all heard me say this before. Journey Of A Thousand Miles begins with the first step. Here is step one.

1. Came to believe we are powerless over (insert everything here) and our lives had become unmanageable.

Holy fucking understatement!

Imagine you’re cruising along. 100 ropes in your hand. Every single one is tugging from every single direction. People passing by, “Hey buddy! Do you need a hand?” All the while, one by one, each rope slowly slipping out of your grasp.

You simply look back try to charm up your most convincing smile, all the while sweat, profusely dripping off your brow, your eyes darting wildly in every direction and four more ropes slipping from your hands, ” Nope I got this, but thanks for the offer.”

“FUCK!”

HI, MY NAME DER-DER-DERRR!

I’m not sure how long I thought I could carry on that masquerade.

It didn’t last long. It wasn’t long before everything I thought I’d built-up came crashing down around me. My ego had gotten away from me. I thought I was being spiritual at moments. I was making it up, I was lying to myself and those around me. I was completely lost and wanted everybody to believe I had it all together. The lies you have to tell other people to get yourself to believe them. It’s insidious. Much like my disease. It snuck up on me I didn’t see it coming, I really knew it was there all along.

The beauty is today I don’t have to lie. I don’t have to remember what lies I told. I can be honest with everyone around me. I can be accountable. Once again I can carry myself like the man I have always been.

My name is Dan, I have came to the idea that I am powerless over people places and things and my life has indeed become and manageable.

Here is my first step. Welcome to my journey.

Hello, My Name is Addict… But That’s Not Who I Am……

For those of you who do not know what it means to be an addict, and alcoholic, a compulsive gambler, a sex addict, the list goes on ad nauseam….

OMG!!!!!! ADDICTION!?!?!

That is a label for people, who are otherwise driven, brilliant and often successful people… who have a issue with something that can get wildly out of control. Often the addiction makes a mess of everything in their life. As well as those who are around them.

Must be me age 11?

But do not mistake that label as the definition of the person. Regretfully, in society, that label clouds what lies underneath, an amazing person who is normally a beautiful, creative and loving individual.

To the people who are uneducated, uninformed, or have never been around such a person, addicts can be scary individuals. Addicts are capable of lying, stealing, embarrassing you, slipping, or out and out just totally fucking it up. But please do run and hide. Remember. Remember always. Addicts are scary people.

I say this in jest.

However addicts in recovery have some of the biggest hearts, have to overcome some of the biggest obstacles, and possess unmatchable drive.

How does one identify these so-called “addicts in recovery”? Excellent question!

An addict in recovery often has a smile on their face. Some, a sparkle in their eye. Many show real and raw emotion on their faces. They can often be found helping out others, looking outside of themselves, striving to do the next right thing. They do this with every fiber of their core. They show compassion. They sometimes over-react. Sometimes they’re just plain overly dramatic. They’re definitely not perfect people. But all are driven by something bigger than them.

At times they’re confused. Sometimes they can be irrational. But at their best? They’re absolutely beautiful.

If someone you know confides in you that they are a drug addict, an alcoholic, a sex addict, a compulsive gambler, or an overeater, whatever the affliction may be. Feel fortunate. They’re trying to be honest with you. They are trying to remain accountable. They’re letting you into a very vulnerable, private part of their life that could at any moment become a very serious matter. They’re trying to recover.

Please do not reply with judgement, sympathy, or avoidance. They may need to regain your trust if they have harmed you. But if they’re truly in recovery, and trying to better themselves, they just want to be treated like others.

Hi, my name is Dan, I’m an addict and an alcoholic. Welcome to my journey.

Yeah I believe I’m going to follow her.

NOT!!!

Can We Get a Reset, on Aisle (what aisle?… Oh, Ok!) All of Them.

Boy to say that our lives don’t go as we have planned out…

Quite the understatement.

I have been somewhat of an island. And there is a saying that goes no man is an island. Well let’s just say that as more of a prophetic saying than anything else because I failed to function normally.

PLEASE HOLD FOR SYSTEM REBOOT

Where am I at this moment of my life, I am being treated somewhat like a child. And in turn I am throwing temper tantrums as a child.

I am a grown ass man however I have failed to act like it.

Well… got so much to say, no time to say it.

But thanks ya’ll…. just for holding in there…. stay tuned…

Powered by WordPress.com.

Up ↑