ODE TO THE BREAKFAST CLUB

So, interestingly enough, I was asked to write a presentation regarding my position in this company. I like my job. Aspects of it anyways. It presents constant challenges, forcing me to be creative in my problem solving skills, to consistently think ahead, and to think outside of the box.

I get to be boss and make critical calls.

Things I dislike? Allow me to borrow from above..

It presents constant challenges, forcing me to be creative in my problem solving skills, to consistently think ahead, and to think outside of the box.

That and the amount of travel required to do my job, has left my personal life, my mental and emotional well being in a state that, well, let’s just say, it is being questioned.

Now, I have already wrote up a job description, general duties, and requirements for this position. I was the first person hired for this job. I walked into a VERY vague, and interesting role within this organization 5 years ago when I signed on. And let me tell you, there was a lot of confusion in the beginning. And five years later, we are about to need another 1-2 or two more to keep up with product demand and delivery. Exciting times.

That means there will be a team of me. Watch out world, this may not be a good thing!

Enter a new Vice President of Operations. He is a very smart person, well schooled and a type “A” personality. He is a facts man. Cut and dried, black and white. There is no gray area in his book.

He has stated we are all overpaid in this organization. His justifacation? He could hire college grads to do the work we do for 2/3 our wages. While that is true, he doesn’t consider the following:

1. The amount of experience that this team brings to the table.

2. Each person in the position they hold were selected for their:

A. Knowledge possessed

B. The contacts they have

C. Reputation

D. Personal fit

3. Hire the college grad and once they master this, they move on for more money with a bigger company.

4. They will fall on their faces within the first 3-6 months

Anyways, back to my presentation I am supposed to give. The Quarter two meeting is canceled. I’m fine with that. I haven’t even started it. When asked to do it, I realized there was a motive behind it…

I am usually on the road, in the field and running my ass off. That little assignment has left a foul taste in my mouth. Last week, I didn’t really feel like showing up. Which lead to:

I don’t know how I got to the point of, “What….ever, gah!!!!”. It is completely unlike me.

I lie when I say I didn’t do the report, I had mine done for weeks. I have to admit, I employed a little plagiarism. But it was heartfelt, and I did intend to deliver it. And I had envisioned what I would look like upon the completion of my presentation delivery.

(SO DAMN COOL)

And as I walked out….?

(MY INNER BENDER)

Fortunately, the meeting was cancelled. I won’t be delivering my scripted “spit-in-your-face” presentation now. Probably for the best. I will however give you readers a peek into my comedic rebellion. I did feel like a brain once I finished the piece, though not mine, still brilliant all the same.

BIG BRI “THE BRAIN” JOHNSTON

Dear Mr (Name Omitted),
We accept the fact that we had to sacrifice a whole Thursday in Q2 meeting for whatever it is that we were supposed to learn. But we think you are crazy to make us write a presentation telling you what we think our job roles and responsibilities are. You see us as you want to see us: in the most simplest terms, in the most convenient definitions. But, what we have found out is that each one of us is:
An overpaid purchasing manager…

an overpaid project manager…

an overpaid assistant project manager…

an overpaid shop manager…

an overpaid deployment manager.

DOES THAT ANSWER YOUR QUESTION?

Sincerely yours,

THE (COMPANY NAME OMITTED) CLUB

So, I may still deliver this in a one-on-one setting with said V.P. regarding my personal concerns with the direction I see this company going. But it was fun to imagine my inner Jonny Bender emerging in the conference room.

Delusional?

Not much…

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