When scars are all that remain

My hand was hurting today. Maybe it was the cold. Along the outside of my left hand is a scar. It’s directly down from my pinky. No-one else would recognize it as a scar, it blends in with the rest of the lines in my palm. A few months ago it was a cut, severed my nerves, but spared my tendon.

The pain brought attention to it. As I looked at it, I looked up towards my pinky to see if there was any discoloration, anything that would show signs of poor circulation or whatnot. As I looked at the back of my hand, I noticed on the finger that used to carry my wedding ring, there’s no longer an indentation. Something that was familiar to me for several years. All that remains where my wedding ring used to sit, is a scar, where I once welded my ring and my watch to the positive post on my alternator and a motor mount of my Suzuki Samurai. There is also a scar where I used to wear my metal watch on my left hand.

It brought back memories when I used to stare down at that ring and spin it around my finger with my thumb. It was something that was always there, something that always brought to mind my wife. Well ex-wife now of nearly 4 yrs. Where no longer is there a callous from a ring, only scar remains.

I remember the pain that was there before the scar ever came to be. And it’s not even as vivid as it once was. It’s a fleeting memory.

It brought to mind the pain I would experience when I looked at that finger and see that wedding ring was gone. There was a time it was almost unbearable. It was excruciating to me. And now only a fleeting memory. I would recall the love the ring once serve as a reminder of. That memory too, has faded.

One I fought so long to hold on to, has simply dissipated. So too, has the scar on my finger faded. It’s over 10 years old. It was way more pronounced than it is now. I rarely think of the day that happened. And I can’t quite remember the pain I actually felt from that wound.

Much the same way as old hurts, wounds, and scars. They seem to fade away with time. You think less and less of them. I guess that just bears proof that our hearts and minds heal much the same way as our body does. As the memory of that pain slips away, the less cautious I become….

I’m not quite certain that is a good thing. I guess, perhaps, I dont learn very good.

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