And I’m good…mostly

I’m muddling my way through life.. more accurate I am trying to find my place. Three years on the road has been an adventure. But there comes a time when it starts becoming invasive in your personal life. Meaning you really can’t have one. Not that I want to stop traveling for work entirely. But I need to create a more established-set-type schedule.

God works in mysterious ways. We are taught to believe that. Perhaps to explain death or the bad things that happen in life. But that is not entirely true. He has very intentional signals. I was lost… He sent me on the road to find myself. Listen, and you can hear His voice. I say Him, because that’s what I grew up hearing. God is beyond gender, beyond human emotion. God is everything. The flowers and landscapes I photograph, the heartbreak I write about, the young man that died trying to bring a family in need a little extra money. God is great… God is sorrow.

God IS brokeness. Breath, and think about that one. How else can we, or I, be brought to hear that whisper in the forest, that nudging of your soul. That final voice that says “LEAP MUTHERFUCKER!!!”

I don’t believe HE is insulted by cuss words. I don’t think God judges us by random vowels and constinants. I believe God does not want us to curse him or others… its in the heart.

Most of all, God is good. 

Me? I am corrupt, I am broken, I am lost. I was born with a lustful heart. A greedy soul. I am…. mortal. I am here to snatch up everything, or experience I can. 

Or am I? Can I not give as I learn. Contribute Me? Understand that I am worthy … worthy to give? There is something this broken soul has to offer others?

Oooooooo…. I broke my own bubble. I choose to pursue.. I am worthy. I have so much to offer. Really I do….but fuck… we are all broke. If you show too much confidence.. you’re a narcissist.  To little, low self esteem. If you know all the answers, you are a liberal snowflake, and you are gonna cry when your protests get hit with yelling officers telling you you cannot break the Starbucks window. Just cry rape, after all.. that meanie cop is probably a prostate owner, and he probably wants to invade your feminine jewel with his male nastiness… or something to that effect. 

Feminism wins again. What happened to boy meets girl. He holds her hand, wins her heart and doesn’t rape or cheat on her.

I digress. 

People, above all.. God is love..and God inhabits us all.. We all have experience to share.  My sin?!?! Gawd it is simple. I love people. To… A ….FAULT

Hurt me… cheat on me…. reject me. Anything else, I assume there is something wrong with you. Love me?!?!? I’m gone.

That is my curse

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