Chaos is so hawt!

Self-realization is an amazing thing.

There are those people who need things to be just so. They wake up the same time every day.

 They eat the same thing for breakfast. More than likely they will also read the same news source every day. They’ll reflect upon similar articles, most likely read the same sections every day. They walk out the door exactly the same time. Work is usually plotted out they know in advance of what they’re expected to do that day. They get off work at the exact same time everyday. They love punching the clock. They love the preciseness of that time.

Their work space is generally set up the same way. Pictures just so. Desk organized in just such a fashion. The same route is driven every day.

Upon returning home it will be the same thing. Walk a dog if they choose to have one, check mail. Review voice messages. They may choose to have a drink or not. Then dinner time probably at 6. Place for everything and everything in its place.


And then there are the killers.

I like to wake up every day without absolute direction. To figure out in which way, I am going to kill the day. I don’t seize it, I cut that muthafucka. 

Unfortunately this winds up with chaos in everybody’s life around me. I thrive on this. But most people cannot handle it. I find my focus when everything around me is out of control. I become centered, and nearly deadly with a kill shot. In that manner I can seize the moment. I’m pretty certain this reflects upon my upbringing. Grew up in a family of 5 with two working parents. I was the eldest, to say things were out of control and chaotic is an understatement.

I’m not saying that the type A personalities do not have Giants to slay. They do in their own way. But I happen to operate out of the norm in nearly every aspect of my life.

I suppose it could be said that I am your type S personality. Type S meaning squirrel. But for me squirrel is the random details that are running around everywhere out of control. Perhaps i would make a great squirrel herder.

I can try and make myself to appear a random superhero. Captain Chaos. However I tend to appear to everyone else more as Captain Scattered. Because every detail of my personal life runs amuck.

As I say often, The Devil Is In The Details……indeed! Chaos is my friend, my fiend, my drug. I crave a chaotic environment, until I enter the Blue Ridge Mountians. This makes total sense, I had my best summers working on my aunt and uncles ranch in Wisdom Montana. Where I sat on a rock about 500 yards from the house, overlooking the Big Hole Valley, the rivers and valley meadows, accentuated by the “Saddleback Mountian” backdrop… the Rocky mountain range. First place I experienced peace, Zen. I was approached by a five point whitetail buck, 10 point, to y’all southerners. He came to me. Ten feet away, I think he sensed my calm, my energy. We looked at each other for a few moments, he bowed down to eat grass, snorted goodbye and walked back into the woods.

 That became a life changing moment. I took up drugs, mostly weed after that summer.

But the chaos never left, it stopped bothering me, became the norm. It became a driver.. a tool.. a drug.

Realizing this has been perhaps one of the most freeing moments in my life. This is my superpower, now to go forth and use it for good.

I got this.

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