Enter Captain Oblivious

Captain Oblivious

I love the sound of a woman’s voice, calming, soothing and hypnotic…

(she is a delicate flower folks, really)

I quite enjoy those quiet moments where you sit around and talk about nothing. Often accompanied by giggling, laughter, and even giving each other a little shit. Sometimes tears follow. They could be tears of sorrow or tears of joy.

I might enjoy it too much. Sometimes I become so lost in it, it’s almost as if I I’m induced into a trance. And then I miss the details. The devil, is indeed in the detail.
I can confuse details, and dates… all sorts of horrible things that result in misunderstandings, miscommunications, and the like.
And then there’s also my internal dialogue:

“Ooo when she is done, don’t forget to tell her about this”

*”Okay this is important to her, don’t forget!”

*”Oh crap I gotta email work about whatever.”

*”Did I leave the toaster on?”

*”Did I forget to feed the Goldfish? Do I even have a goldfish?”

*”wait, what did she just say?”

Whew!!! That list goes on and on and on.

Allot of people have been misdiagnosed with ADHD. Citing the above as a big reason for it…… OH MY GOD!!!! That is COMPLETE bullshit. One of my ex-wifes brought this to my attention. It is a direct result of not putting what the other person has to say as priority over what is going on with you. And when I say you, I of course mean myself. She is really quite an intelligent person. She has a lot of insight. She’s also overly opinionated, domineering, and not one bit afraid to let you know exactly what she is thinking. I have spent years trying to argue her perspective. Very type “A”. She also comes with a tether that will eventually disrupt your entire life and relationship. HER MOM!!! (She means well.. buts is quite broken herself).

She loves her daughter, and is her only life connection. I feel bad for her.. until I reflect. Then I see:

(hi mom-in-law, how i miss you)

Hope she figures that out one day and finds her mate.

Ladies DO NOT, I repeat DO NOT!!! discount male-pattern retardation. It is a real thing. Very, very real. I know it’s nice to have a mate that reads your mind and knows your every thought and can anticipate your next action, reaction, or need.
However in over 90% of us, clairvoyance is not in our bag of tricks. We are visual creatures. Also creatures of habit. I can learn that every Sunday morning you love to wake up with a Starbucks sitting on your bedside. You like your eggs over-medium, bacon limp. I got that on lock.
However, to know the difference between, anger, hurt, frustration, or the complete “I am over this, we are through, leave me be and get over it” is not easy for me to ascertain . Again, we as men really need to have a manual, a set of directions, a goddamn roadmap if you will.
This is why I hate TV. It gives us all a very inaccurate bar in which we measure our relationships.
Enter the simple minded husband with minoot misgivings but a great heart who is wholly intuitional. It’s impractical, and even damaging. He is quite endearing, and is usually able to cutely, squirrel his way out of any misgiving.

(STOP LAUGHING, I am that smooth)

Guys:
DO NOT ATTEMPT THIS IN REAL LIFE.
Women will say this is what they want.. it’s a lie, in the situation, they really don’t.
My only recommendation is apologize, give her space, and when she’s ready to talk, you be ready, and you listen. Attempting to make excuses, logical reasons, or anything else is only going to jeopardize your health and well-being. Be supportive as possible. Be understanding as possible. This is my only go to, well that and flowers. And I even fail at my go-to. I often give reasons for my behaviour.

I’m doomed. Looks like I am making my own damn sandwich till my final days. I’ll be buying peanut butter in bulk.

(I Am David Duchovny)

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