I put myself into strangely familiar moments. Generally I find this is out of seeking comfort or what is …. familiar.
It’s a selfinflicted mindfuck. Different people, different places, but the stage is set the same. A volatile mix of preimptave failure and self assured destruction. It’s what I know.
I’ve toyed with the idea that perhaps it is a result of my own insanity. After all, doing the same thing over and over with the expectation of different results…. can I get an amen from the congregation?
Where I get my mind set on, “it’s going to be different this time”, I have no idea. It always seems so different in the beginning. This could be anything from relationships to how I fuel up my car. How approach a task at work or home. And being the creature of habit I am, it’s the same, start, middle and finish. The timeline and mundane details offer the only variables. All things that have no effect on the outcome, with the exception of for how long and how hard I suffer.
(the koolaid never comes)
When, or at what point, do I just walk away and know if I am truly going to be happy, I need to be alone. Self dependant. There needs to be no “We”. The more variables removed from the equation, the easier the problem that needs solving becomes.
Continue drifting, creating less involved, and even less demanding relationships…
Run!! Run mutha fuckah, RUN!!!!
Cannot command locked shell..system error.
I need a system override. Rewrite my programs, a file dump if you will. Until I create a master file that overrides what my learned programming dictates, what do I have to offer.
Why so serious? No-one gets out alive
Has Colin Hay been following me around? I’ve been trying to give the muther fucker the slip.