Sometimes I have a hard time putting things to words. But this needs to be said.
I have met someone. I wasn’t even looking. I didn’t exactly even want to find someone. She kinda stumbled into my life, she said some words, I said some words. And then, I looked into her eyes and realized that I wanted to be in the middle of that conversation for the rest of my life.
It’s strange how something like that hits you unexpectedly and blindly, and yet, you know that one thing better than anything else, you’ve ever known, your entire life.
It’s complicated too, she is nothing like me and even so she still fits like a glove. Like a leather glove that you have worn through the storm, damp and uncomfortable. Something that seems to impede your movement. But once the sun comes out, it lightens it’s grip around your hand and softens. It seems to move with your hand as if it anticipates every gesture, before you think it, and before you know it, it becomes apart of you.
So yeah really didn’t want to say anything, however, 16 years ago I met somebody. I knew the minute I met her she was the one. And now I still I’m trying to move on. And the friendship with her is just a constant reminder of how I failed a relationship, and how I failed myself, on how I failed her, on how I failed both of us.
I’m often stuck in thought:
“Would I have gone back and changed anything?” Yeah, not everything though. I would change a lot about myself.
But that does nothing with where you and I are now. And it’s not going to change anything. All I can do is change myself. So that I’m prepared for when I meet that one.
So am I OK?
Fuck no! not at all!
But I’m working on it.