And then there was one..
AND THEN THERE WAS I
So once you realize that your entire life has been unintentionally designed after a fictional life created by David Duchovny…… I.E. Californication…X-files.. Playing God. Even before seeing any of these series. I believe they have been written about people like me.
Unintentional, yet ironic, with incredibly soulful splashes of conspiracy theories, sato-masochistic facades of being eternally hip… tangled or intertwined with self delusional ideologies of being a inspirational father, The Prodigal Son, the better brother, the great friend/ex-husband. Maintaining all the while being the perfect worshiper of female embodiment. The iconic boyfriend, the forgotten husband, a truly sad pathetic character. Plenty enough to draw sympathy of others, including yourself. Nothing better than to be the woe-be-me character, and hate your own existence. Modeling his love making styles by the man who is always trying to please the woman, there by being a giver,……
And after seeing that, realizing you are the embodiment of selfishness. God, to believe that you were actually an ideal boyfriend, a gracious lover, a understanding and compassionate being… only to realize it is all done under the expectation of gaining the hero-like man complex.
What a piece of shit, the embodiment of everything you strived to be against. A creation of a dichotomy so diverse that you cannot even achieve an orgasm mid-coitus. You have to sneak off into a corner and woe-fully touch yourself in order to achieve the ability to spew out a wad full of baby making goo. Disgusting, right? Not until you read the rest of the blog.
You son have lost your way. Time to give up everything once again , and maybe at some point, become a real, empathetic, feeling human being.
Self applause enter here.. you even word your self confession in a way to gather pity.
Hank, with a splash of evil.
Et tu Brutus .
Don’t worry though, there are plenty of people who are going to believe in the better you, the man that “they- know- exists- inside -of- you.” Because obviously their own judge of character could not have been that far off. If only people could have realized what a narcissistic Twisted individual I obviously am. Oh, I know not to fracture the basic bags of humanity, the things that will put me in a prison forever. There is murder, abduction, rape, those are all obvious. But emotional larceny is the easiest thing to get away with. To make people believe that you truly give a fuck. What a beautiful art. A horrible confession I know, perhaps, mostly a freeing one.
However somewhere in there you forget to give a shit about yourself. Realizing that you mostly care for people.
Fear of being hurt, makes us the worst people ever. All the above is obvious bullshit…… but once you take a break, when do you start to give a damn again?
Yet, when you take a step back, you see people more infinitely fucked up than you are. Or rather, than I am.
And that is truly the most frightening reality.